The Land I'm From
by RhondaStar
Summary: Set after the events of 'The Eternal Tide'. Chakotay takes Janeway on a trip to his home world to meet his mother, relax and explore. This is turning into something of a labour of love so likely to be multiple chapters. Lots of JC gooeyness and rated for some sexual moments.
1. Chapter 1

_**I loved 'The Eternal Tide' so much that I just had to write more of the JC reunion! Chakotay decides to take Kathryn to his home world in an attempt to ease her worries after the events of the previous year... and meet his mother! Hope you enjoy reading it as much as I did writing it :-) and apologies for any typos.**_

* * *

**The Land I'm From**

Despite it being her ready room for more years than she cared to remember Kathryn couldn't help but feel like a little bit of an imposter. This was Captain Chakotay's ready room now, and she was just 'borrowing the space', as he'd put it a few weeks earlier.

It was with mixed feelings that they had taken the current course, but like it or not they all needed a period of rest and Starfleet had ordered them home for just that. _Re-evaluation of the mission_ they called it. _Voyager_ needed some attention too, so it was with a heavy heart that Chakotay had made the decision to return to the Alpha Quadrant.

"Eight hours, we'll be orbiting Earth." He said as he entered the room.

"Mmm…"

"Kathryn," he moved to sit beside her, following her gaze out to the star field. "Care to share your concerns."

She slowly turned to him, "What makes you think I have any?"

"Many, _many _years of experience."

She allowed herself a small smile, slipping her hand down to rest on his knee.

"Trepidation, let's say. I'm wondering how many times my mother is going have to cope with losing me and having me remarkably return."

He sighed, "But you've been in contact with her, I think her joy at your being alive far outweighs anything that's gone before."

She glanced away again, resting her chin on her hand. He moved his atop of the hand she still had on his knee, "You look tired."

"Flatterer… I was just going to say how handsome you looked today."

He smiled, then let the silence fill the room, content to simply remain at her side for a while.

"Eight hours you say." She finally said.

"Yes. One day at a time Kathryn, remember."

She did, with painful rawness.

"Yes. I know."

"So, whilst we have the gift of time…" he said handing her over a padd.

She returned her attention to him, shifting her body slightly to face him and accepting the padd.

Her eyes widened as she read, "A trip?"

"If you're willing."

She swallowed, looking up at him, "To meet your mother?"

He grinned again, "About time don't you think. Not nervous are you Admiral?"

She dropped her eyes, "No. Should I be?"

"I have no reason to believe so."

"Fair enough," she handed him back the padd, "Guess I should get reading up on Trebus then."

* * *

She wanted to work. Yet there had been prolonged debriefings and enforced time with a councillor, sleepless nights trying to settle back into the San Francisco apartment, waking to Chakotay's strong arms and comforting words. Tears with her mother, awkwardly meeting with Mark and Carla again and being drawn into a tight hug with her former fiancé in view of her lover. No, her love.

The memorial to her had been taken down, the flame that burned at its head passed on to her, Chakotay and her sister Phoebe had gone to witness it taking place. She couldn't face it. Witnessing your own grave – it seemed far too macabre, even for her.

The days had been fraught and tiring, going over and over the events of the past year. As if she could fully explain what had happened to her, make sense of it. Somehow she'd held on to her Admiralship but they'd insisted she take time off, hence the trip to Trebus which was her current source of concern.

She was nervous and it was very unlike her to be so. She'd changed three times that morning already. How should one dress to meet your… what should she call him? Partner? Boyfriend? Love-of-her-life? Well, how should she dress to finally meet Chakotay's mother? Of course Gretchen adored Chakotay, as Kathryn knew she would, his easy-going manner, ability to make everybody feel important – she doubted she'd integrate into Chakotay's family with the same ease.

The chime to her apartment did nothing to alter her mood; he was early, she was running late.

"You're still wearing your robe." He stated as she opened the door.

"Don't start with me," she snapped, heading across the apartment and back to her bedroom. "I have no clothes."

He did his best to hide his smile as he followed her, sitting on the edge of the bed as he watched her fuss.

"How can getting dressed be so hard?"

"I wouldn't know," he said softly, "and does this mean you haven't packed any clothes – you know we're going to be away four or five days."

"Yes Chakotay, I do know," she said slowly, "but thank you so very much for the reminder."

"Alright. Tell me Kathryn, are you feeling slightly nervous?"

"Nervous, why should I feel nervous?"

"I have no idea."

"I mean, this is only a world with customs I have no familiarity with, customs that view me as… what, some kind of enemy?"

"Not quite," he reached for her hand as she passed him, "Kathryn, I love you, and they'll see that – she will – and love you too. She long since accepted my choice to join Starfleet, and look at Sekaya; you got on fine with her."

She paused, softening slightly and leaning into him, "That was one dinner, hardly a lifelong friendship."

"Yet."

She noted the change in tone and forced herself to stop, "I'm sorry, I don't know why I'm feeling such anxiety about it."

"A lot has happened in a short space of time, you can't be expected to move on so simply. Two days with my mother and then we'll have some time alone, I want to show you Trebus."

"I know."

"That okay?"

She smiled, folding her fingers with his, "Anything for you."

He drew her down for a kiss. "The dress you're wearing looks perfect."

* * *

She relaxed on the shuttle journey, it felt like old times, the two of them, alternating between companionable silence and joyous laughter.

She slept for a while, lulled by the passing stars and the familiar hum of a ship surrounding her.

When he woke her she felt heavy-headed, weighed down by her limbs. Her sleep patterns had been off since she 'returned'. Awake for most of the night, too much time on her hands to think things over, she kept waiting for Q to show up and tear everything away from her again. She felt fragile, and that was something she was most unaccustomed to.

"Is it a long walk?" She asked, blinking in the sunlight as she stood by the shuttle.

"Not too far from here."

She watched as he unpacked their bags, he already looked more relaxed, settled.

"What's wrong?" he asked, concerned by the look on her face, "You're not nervous again are you?"

She shook her head, "No, I think I'm going to like it here." She took her bags from him, hoisting one over her shoulder, "Did I tell you I love you?"

"Not today," he replied, trying his best to hide his grin.

She kissed him full on the mouth, holding him tight against her for few seconds, "Then I'm a fool, I should tell you every day."

"I won't argue at that."

She laughed, instantly feeling lighter and more relaxed than she had in weeks. "Well, shall we get going?"

"This way," he said striding out into the jungle.

* * *

It was Sekaya that greeted them first. Perched on a rock along their path awaiting their arrival. Chakotay's joy was evident as he dropped the bag he was carrying and pulled her into a hug.

"Good to see you two big brother," Sekaya whispered, returning the embrace.

Kathryn glanced away slightly, allowing them some small semblance of privacy; she'd forgotten it had been months since they'd seen each other. She'd only met her once, after their return to the Alpha Quadrant, and found her strikingly beautiful and very similar to Chakotay in manner, perhaps slightly more willing to give in to the childish joy that Chakotay managed to keep contained, most of the time.

"You remember…" she heard Chakotay say as he turned back to her and in seconds Sekaya had her in a hug too, crushing her against her chest.

"Of course I remember," she laughed, "I'm so glad this time he's sorted himself out and actually made a move."

"Sekky." Chakotay said grudgingly.

Kathryn smirked, raising her eyebrows at him in that Captain-like way she had, "Have I been discussed?"

"I tried to discuss you," Sekaya interrupted, taking Kathryn's bag from her, "but he was so stubborn and loyal, protective of you I guess, he'd never reveal details but I knew there was more to it than Captain and First Officer, or even friends." She had hold of Kathryn's hand and was leading her through the trees heading up towards a cleared area. "It's about time he found his soul."

Kathryn glanced over her shoulder back at a rather embarrassed Chakotay, smiling and teasing in equal measure, "Yes, it's about time." She mouthed at him.

"Me!" he responded, "I think we both know who held the strings there."

She shook her head at him before returning her attention to Sekaya.

"How are you anyway?"

She'd found over the past few weeks this was the go-to question for those who met her, but regardless she answered as she always did.

"Fine. I'm doing fine."

Sekaya stopped their walk and turned to face her directly. "And the truth?"

Kathryn smiled, she was as tuned in to her emotions as her brother was, "Getting there. Every day a little better. And I'm getting…" she glanced at Chakotay, "A lot of help."

"I should think so, tonight we'll cleanse your spirit."

She screwed up her face then quickly altered her expression; if life, and indeed death, had taught her anything it was that all species needed some kind of spiritual belief and connection. And who was she to judge? There was more out there than simply life and death. More than she'd ever imagined. Though the thought of the focus being on her wasn't entirely comfortable; she felt Chakotay's hand on her back and realised he'd never allow anything to take place that made her feel in the least uncomfortable.

They soon reached the village and Kathryn was taken aback by the effort that they'd gone to for her. Decorations, music, food, a monumental fire burning in the centre that seemed the heart of all life. Chakotay too seemed surprised by it all, he'd reached for Kathryn's hand as they approached and stroked her wrist tenderly, "I had no idea," he said gently.

She put on her brightest smile, the one she reserved for greeting new species, and watched as he was drawn into a fierce hug with an older woman. Her hair was white and long, hanging loose down her back, but her mouth was like Chakotay's and Kathryn could see he'd inherited more from his mother than simply looks.

"Mother, this is…"

"Kathryn Janeway." She moved closer to her, her old eyes examining the younger woman's face.

Kathryn held out her hand, "A pleasure to finally meet you. I'm only sorry it's taken us so long, I've heard so much about you and your entire family over the years."

"My son has also spoken of you most fondly," she dropped her gaze, scrutinising Kathryn's face, focussing on her eyes. "And I thank you for returning him to us."

"I couldn't have done it without him."

"You complement each other," she finally acknowledged, ignoring Kathryn's outstretched hand and instead placing a kiss on her cheek. Her touch felt as fine as paper. "You are tired my dear," she whispered by her ear, "You need to open your heart and let it go."

It had taken but a second to say the words that only the two of them could hear and then she had turned away, back to her son.

She felt Sekaya by her side, "That went well."

"How can you tell?" Kathryn whispered in response.

"I just know. Don't worry. Come on, let's eat."

* * *

"Oh my god!" Kathryn exclaimed as she bit into the bread Chakotay had handed to her. It was stuffed with fruits and nuts, some light spicing, something that tasted like coconut she thought. "How come you never made me this?" She asked, already taking a second bite.

"I can't do justice to my mother's recipe." He smiled.

"It's amazing, what else did you get me?" She asked, eyeing the plate of foods he'd brought to her. There were roasted fruits and vegetables, delicate pastries stuffed with exotic flavours, mushrooms and tomatoes cooked so simply but tasting divine. Kathryn was no vegetarian but not once did she miss meat.

"Goodness, I don't think I'll walk tomorrow," she laughed. "And I think I'm halfway drunk, you didn't tell me how strong this stuff was," she waved her beaker at him.

"You didn't ask," he kissed her forehead. "I'm glad you're enjoying it."

"As am I." Chakotay stepped aside at his mother's voice, feeling her hand warm on his back. He leant in to kiss her cheek.

"Thank you so much for the kind hospitality, you needn't have gone to all this trouble."

"Kathryn, in all the years my son has breathed he has never brought a woman home with him. Sekaya suspected there was more between you two than simply friendship and loyalty; I'm overjoyed the spirits finally brought you together."

Kathryn wasn't quite sure on the spirits part but she was thankful for the warmth the older woman was showing her.

"Now, time for dancing." She turned back to the fire, joining hands with others who were already enjoying the music.

Chakotay watched, his smile broad, heart light, he felt Kathryn's small hand slide into his and her fingers grip his. "You want to dance?" He asked, leaning back into her. She kissed the back of his neck and he closed his eyes.

"Yes," she whispered, "let's get drunk and dance, because nobody here knows me!"

He chuckled, twisting his head round to regard her, "thank you," he said gently, his face close to hers.

"Oh no, thank you, you were right, I needed this." She held his other hand, pulling him with her as she turned and moved out towards the fire, "Alright then, show me how I'm meant to dance to this."

* * *

"Hurry up," Kathryn chided, snuggling down beneath the mountain of blankets, it was November, and perhaps not the best time for choosing to camp. But when she accepted his invitation she was aware it meant outdoor living, not a hotel overlooking the beach.

"Bossy," he said, joining her in the bed.

"Force of habit," she cuddled up against him, her head on his chest, grateful for his arms around her. "I like your mother very much."

"I suspected you might."

"I like it _here_ very much."

"Good, that means a lot. We're honoured guests, our own hut, despite it being a tad tight."

"I'm grateful for it," she twisted over, her head resting on his chest, pressed close to him, "incredibly grateful for it."

He brushed his hand over her hair, snickering along with her, like school children trying to laugh quietly.

She drew herself up so they were face to face, making out the shape of his face in the dim light before kissing him deeply, his hands skimming down her back, ruffling the shirt she wore, eager to feel her skin.

"It's too cold…" she whispered against his lips as he pushed the shirt up.

"Mmm," he kissed the top of her head, she could sense a hint of frustration but as always the patience he carried so easily.

"And I'm tired," she whispered again by his mouth. "I drank too much." She kissed him. "And danced too much." And kissed him again.

"I'll remember - no dancing tomorrow."

She smiled, lying down again, positioning her head so she could listen to the sounds that surrounded them. "I never realised how soothing it was."

"I know," he laced his fingers with hers, "when I returned here after all those years aboard Voyager it lulled me to sleep. The most refreshing and invigorating sleep I'd had in years. As a child I couldn't wait to leave, to explore, to travel, to prove myself. Now, being here, I realise it's part of me, it travels with me."

"I can understand that, a part of Indiana must travel with me too. Aboard the ship I often walked down the corridors and felt the brush of the corn against my legs, I remembered running, hiding, hearing Phoebe's delighted voice as she searched for me."

The image of a young Kathryn Janeway playing hide and seek in the fields filled him with delight.

"We can go there, before I have to leave," he said. "Show me these places I've heard of for years."

"Mmm, yes," she turned slightly, one leg snaking up over his, her mouth kissing his chest, "let's not discuss you having to leave just yet though."

"Alright." He stroked her hair. "Warm enough?"

"Perfectly so."

His hand rested on her back, soothingly stroking her skin beneath the sheets, "Can I ask what my mother said."

The words replayed in her mind, the texture of them turned over in her throat. Finally she said, "She told me I looked tired, and she was right, I am. So…I'm going to make the most of not having a combadge and sleep. Uninterrupted."

"Finally, a benefit of a technology free society."

He closed his eyes, his ears tuned in to the sounds of the jungle at night, and the sound of Kathryn at night too, he knew the precise moment when she drifted off into slumber. And it wasn't long before he did too.

* * *

Standing outside the make-shift structure Kathryn puzzled over it for a few minutes, the idea of showering outside in itself didn't bother her, it was the fact she wasn't far from the heart of the camp and the idea of there being no door to lock was more of a concern.

She opted for hanging her towel over the side of the structure and stepped inside. Undressing quickly in the small space she was surprised at how quickly she warmed beneath the water – the way they'd managed to utilise the river water was impressive and she found herself forming a whole new level of respect for their simple lives and ways.

Eyes closed she stood beneath the faucet letting the water drench her hair and wash away sleep. When she looked up she could see the blue of the sky, the early morning sun beginning to creep in and warm the land. It made her feel free.

The fingertips on her spine jolted her back to reality. Then she softened, recognising the lips on the nape of her neck, the hands moving to her hips.

"Good morning," Chakotay whispered by her ear.

"We already said good morning."

"Mmm, here it's customary," his words were punctuated by kisses along her shoulders, "to say good morning twice."

She smirked, "Really. And I suppose this is the customary way to say it."

"Absolutely." His mouth was moving further down her back.

"So, I should expect this treatment from other members of the tribe?"

This time he smirked, squeezing her hips for emphasis, "Notify me if you do."

She laughed which quickly turned into a groan as he reached a sensitive spot. She rested her hands along the cool tiled wall of the shelter, closing her eyes, lifting her face up to the water, arching her back into his embrace.

Chakotay's hands were far too good at this; he expertly turned her around, switching his mouth to her lower belly. His fingertips sliding up her left thigh, lifting her leg.

She rested her hand atop of his head, "Chakotay, somebody might hear," she said quickly.

"Then be quiet." He mumbled against her skin.

She smiled, her fingers unfurling in his thick hair, eyes closing, head tilted back. He lifted her leg up over his shoulder, shifting the angle of her body, his mouth easing its way up her thigh. Her face was being showered with warm, fresh water, mouth open as it dripped down her nose and onto her lips.

He moaned something against her skin as his tongue touched her and she bit down on her lip to suppress the groan. Her body responded of its own accord, her pelvis pressing forward, seeking more of his touch. The noises of the world around her disappeared, melting into one single heartbeat in her head, a sound that emanated from deep inside her. Her hips rolled back and forth, his hands – one on her lower back supporting, the other on her hip assisting her movements and his mouth… god his mouth.

She couldn't recall ever feeling such passion before, all the things she'd denied herself for so many years were suddenly beginning to unravel in her mind. All the times she'd imagined being with him. Touching him. Loving him.

It was liberating.

She covered her hand with her mouth when she climaxed, desperately trying to quell the noises forming in the back of her throat, the endless stream of affection she wanted to express to him, the bucking of her hips as her body slammed back against the wall of the shelter.

She felt almost weightless, her energy drained and gradually returning.

She squeezed his shoulders in an attempt to express how she felt, her thumbs stroking his skin. He lowered her leg, kissing her foot as he did so and she giggled at the tickle.

His kisses swept up and over her body, he was on his knees and he tilted his face up to receive the water as it slid down her skin. Finally she looked down at him, her hands on his face; his expression was of complete joy.

She slanted her head down, meeting his delicious mouth in a deep and loving kiss. He rose to stand with her, their arms around the other, bodies touching wherever they could, silently communicating.

"Kathryn! Are you in the shower?"

Sekaya!

Her head jerked backwards, banging against the wall, Chakotay suppressed a smile and she covered his mouth with her hand.

"Yes, sorry, I'm getting out now."

"Just checking, I'll make sure there's some breakfast left."

"Oh, thank you. I won't be long."

"Alright."

She listened for her footsteps leaving, the crunch of leaves beneath foot, her shoulders sagging when she realised she'd gone, her hand leaving Chakotay's mouth.

"And bring Chakotay with you!" Sekaya shouted playfully as she left.

Kathryn's eyes widened in both shock and devastation whilst Chakotay merely laughed.

"It's not funny, I can't go out there now, I'll die of embarrassment."

"Hardly. She won't tell anyone. Besides, we don't have such hang-ups."

"We were… in the shower." she gestured with her hand. "All your fault I might add."

He held her gently in his arms, a playful light in his eyes, "Oh really, that bad was it."

She allowed herself a small smile, warmed by his expression. "It was the nicest of hellos." She whispered against his mouth, leaning in for another kiss. "Possibly one of the most sensual experiences of my life."

"That's all that matters."

"You're incorrigible."

"All your fault." He kissed her nose. "Let's go have some breakfast, I'm rather hungry."

* * *

The festivities of the previous night were clearly forgotten and after breakfast had been cleared – Kathryn delighted that Chakotay had brought along coffee for her – she found herself being drawn into the day's work.

It was amusing to her how Chakotay was dragged off 'with the men' whilst she was left behind. Cooking and needlework were never strong points so it was a relief when Sekaya saved her and instead they'd assisted with more manual labour. She dug the earth, rid the beds of weeds, planted new seeds until her back ached and it was time for lunch. She ate with the women of the tribe, and it was surprising to her how much their company warmed her. She hadn't laughed so much in such a long time, she always seemed to get on better with men, but it was comforting to be with them, to laugh with them.

Later she painted new structures with some odd substance they'd mixed in front of her. It was pungent and for a while Kathryn found her head aching from the smell of it. But soon she grew used to the aroma and actually enjoyed the task. As always she viewed it in a scientific way – how big the structure was, how quickly she covered the first quarter, how long it would take to the do the remainder, whether she could beat her own time. By the third coat she was unquestionably faster, which in its way gave her some small sense of satisfaction.

"Well, Admiral Janeway, good to see you working hard."

"Hard! You have no idea. I haven't been this physically exhausted in a while." She looked up at him, squatting down beside her, the sun behind him framing his face. "And where have you been all day, and how come you're back?"

"We men have finished our tasks." He puffed his chest out and she couldn't help but splatter it with some of the 'paint' she was using.

"Hey!"

"Serves you right, finished indeed, typical men, half a day's work." She teased.

"Or perhaps we work faster."

"It certain regards…" she teased.

"Touché Kathryn."

"The truth is, I've rather enjoyed today, it's satisfying to work so hard and see the results. My mind is clearing."

"I hoped being here would help."

"It has. Did you notice – I slept last night."

"I did, all night."

Her smile was delightful.

"We better pack up, rain's coming."

She glanced up at the clear, blue sky, "How do you know?"

"I can smell it."

* * *

Sure enough the rain came, heavy and persistent. It brought with it its own fragrance, drawn from the river and the earth.

Kathryn dashed barefoot into the shelter, a coat held above her head as she ran, the rain splashing up her legs.

"A suggestion I would make," she panted once inside, "is they install lavatories so you don't have to go outside during a prolonged storm."

He laughed as she wiped at her feet with a towel.

"Generations of forward thinking haven't yet hooked on to that one, but I'll be happy to let you explain it to them over breakfast tomorrow."

She frowned at him, throwing the towel at his head, he looked far too comfortable, warm and happy as he sat propped up by many pillows reading.

"Don't drink so much coffee," he added, turning the page of his book.

"Next time I'll throw a shoe!"

He chuckled, "So predictable; how's the back?"

"Aching, I could use a neck rub about now."

He glanced over his book at her, "You haven't asked for one of those for years."

"I know," she slipped off her jacket, climbing onto the low bed. "Not since New Earth if I remember correctly."

His throat actually tightened at the memory, still, after all this time.

He snapped his book shut when she sat in front of him, cross legged on top of the thick blankets, and slipped her nightshirt up and over her head, throwing it to the floor of the shelter. Her hair loose against her back.

"Now," he swallowed, sitting up, "why the hell didn't you say so earlier?"

She smirked, "You didn't ask."

He reached forward, his mouth moving to meet hers, his hand already closing around her breast.

"Now, now Captain, I said a neck rub. No groping me."

He watched amused as she lay down on her stomach, her arms folded above her head. He wasn't surprised by Kathryn's passion, nor her playfulness when it came to sex, they'd flirted enough over the years for him to have some idea of what kind of lover she'd be – he just thanked the gods a thousand times over he was the one to finally be on the receiving end of it.

"I'm waiting," she snapped, twisting her head back to look at him, "and take your time, I don't want half a day's work."

He knelt over her, his hands on her shoulders, "You continue to amaze me," he whispered by her ear as he moved her hair aside. The silky weight of it in his fingers, the memory of that night, his confession – first confession – the magnitude of it all.

"I hope I continue to," she mumbled in response, her voice husky, eyes closed.

He skilfully worked his way along her shoulders, paying close attention to the sore spots, the aching muscles taut and tender. The way he had before. Only this time he got to feel her skin. Got to lean down every now and then and place his lips where his fingers had just been. Got to revel in the sound of her moans of pleasure and encouragement.

The rain pounded the roof of the shelter; the candlelight flickered, casting long shadows around the small room. The drumming of the rain seemed to be in rhythm with the beat of her heart and for the hundredth time since she'd returned to Voyager she wondered how she was going to bear being apart from him now.

"Chakotay," she murmured, twisting beneath his touch, content and yet hungry for more all at the same time.

He kissed down her spine, then back up again, his hands moving to her waist as she shifted and turned and he assisted her until they faced each other. His body easily moving between her legs, her warm thighs pressed against him, mouths fused, lips tasting and telling a thousand times over of love without using words.

"They'll hear," she said gently, aware of their structure not being far from others. But her hand was low on his back, pushing him forward, her other in his hair holding him close enough to kiss repeatedly.

"The rain's loud," he said against her lips, "and we'll be quiet."

She smiled. He smiled.

"I love you," she said, heart full, and he felt that same shiver of excitement and completeness at her words. It seemed to him he'd prayed for a lifetime for her to say those words to him and mean them. Now every time he heard her say it he just wanted it again.

"I love you too, so very much Kathryn."

She touched his face, "I know." And she truly did. She'd known for years. Perhaps even before New Earth. It was in his unwavering support, in his eyes when he caught her gaze at times, in the subtle ways he found to touch her. It was even there when they drifted apart, after that kiss in the holodeck simulation of Venice, when she'd backed away, when they'd argued, when she'd lost sight of who she was.

He still loved her. And she needed that. Selfishly. Stubbornly. She needed to know it was there, like a backbone, to carry on all those years the way she did.

And now, to really have his love, to love and be loved as thoroughly as she was, it was the only light guiding her forward after the horrors of the previous year.

And so, they made love slowly, with the sound of the rain on the tin roof, with the candlelight warming his back, with the stilted, muted sounds of the jungle surrounding them.

* * *

**_I really hope you enjoyed that - if you did, PLEASE leave me a review. It's encouraging to know someone's reading. x R_**


	2. Chapter 2

_**Somebody asked what 'The Eternal Tide' is – the last Voyager novel by Kirsten Beyer (my JC saviour!). In this chapter there are also references to events that take place in Beyer's other works, 'Full Circle' and 'Isabo's Shirt.'**_

* * *

**The Land I'm From - Chapter 2**

"I don't think this is really the time to be sharing fantasies."

"Really? I can't think of a better one. We're all alone, not a soul in sight, nothing but the mountains to hear our deepest, darkest thoughts…"

She jerked her head round to look back at him, "Darkest?"

"Got your attention."

Hands on hips she fixed him with a glare, "You're getting giddy; I'm not sure I have the stomach to hear your _many_ years of fantasies."

"Oh but your ego, 'many' years – are you sure of that?"

She stepped into his space, her chest touching his, "I'd stake my life on it."

Now he laughed, "You know me too well, I think they date back probably to our first month – "

She held up her hand, "Chakotay…"

He leaned in close as if to kiss her, "Don't tell me you never let yourself wonder."

"I'm not male; I can go without for a while."

"Need I remind you of a certain Irish bartender?"

"Need I remind_ you_ of a middle-aged ego trip called 'Seven'?"

He grimaced, "Good hit." He touched his chest as if wounded and she smiled, this time kissing him gently on the cheek.

"Let's get going then shall we, I'm desperate to see this paradise you speak of."

"Right behind you."

"Hmm, I figured you would be," she quipped as they continued up the mountainside, knowing very well that as she navigated the rocky terrain his eyes were firmly fixated on her body, or one particular part of it.

"I still dream about the blue dress." He called up to her after a while.

She smirked, deliberately avoiding turning back and allowing him a glimpse of her amusement; she knew well the dress he spoke of.

"And your skin, your bare shoulders… the scent of it."

This time she spoke, "How did you know how it smelled back then?"

"Believe me, I knew."

She stopped as she reached the end of the only clear path, waiting for him to catch up and point out the direction. It was his territory after all. She felt his hand touch her lower back and she leant into him.

"Was it torture?" She whispered, leaning her head back, eyes half closed, face upturned to the sun.

"Agony," he whispered hotly by her ear and kissed her cheek, then down to her neck.

She smiled again; 'attentive' didn't come close.

"I still have the dress," she finally said, his face jerked upwards again, the hand on her waist tightened.

"You haven't worn it since…"

"I know." She turned now, "It didn't seem right to. Maybe… an anniversary gift perhaps?"

"Kathryn," he breathed huskily, drawing her body tight against his, "which anniversary – our meeting, New Earth, admitting our feelings, consummating them?"

She toyed with his hair, feigning nonchalance, "which is most important to you?"

"Games," he said lowly. "You know, meeting you, whatever else has happened, having you in my life is the most important, most…" He drifted off with a sly smile and a shake of his head.

"Most what?" she asked, a childish need creeping into her voice, "Chakotay?"

"I was going to say memorable."

"And it _isn't_ the most memorable?"

"It certainly is, how I can ever forget the fierceness in your eyes, but that night…"

Realisation dawned, "On Proxima station?"

He nodded.

She smiled softly, he was right, it may not be the _most_ important but it was certainly the most memorable.

"I'll surprise you with the dress." She finally said, then added gently, "Which way?"

"We turn north, north-east."

He indicated with his hand and she turned again, shuffling her slipping pack from one shoulder to the other, "Goodness," she sighed seeing the slope ahead.

"Time to climb Kathryn."

"I hope it's worth it, I'm not as young as I once was."

* * *

"So…"

"Breath-taking." She said, without a hint of mischief or sarcasm, she shrugged off her pack. "How did you find it?"

"I was a moody teenager looking for solace, I found it here."

She stood at the edge of a rock looking down to the pool, it's pale, blue shimmering depths beckoning. It was early afternoon and the sun was still warm, despite the time of year.

"Hard to think of you as moody," she shouted over to where he stood, on another rock a short distance from hers. "What are you doing?"

"Swimming." He said, continuing to remove his clothes.

"Naked?" She asked, caught between being scandalised and amused at the idea.

"No better way."

"What if some…"

"My secret place Kathryn, remember… come on," he slipped off his briefs and jumped in, surfacing a few moments later. "Well, are you going to give it a try?"

For a few seconds she stood with her hands on her hips contemplating the suggestion, then without further hesitation she began to remove the vest and shorts she wore.

"You know this is unfair," she shouted down to him.

"Why?" He smirked, floating back in the water whilst watching her.

"Because you've done it before, and you can watch now, I wasn't prepared enough to take advantage."

"Feel free to take advantage anytime you feel the need."

She didn't quite go as far as to remove her underwear – which amused him no end. But there was something thrilling in the way she bravely stepped to the edge, one quick glance down to figure the distance and depth and then an elegant dive forward and down.

He was clapping when she surfaced, "Beautifully done Kathryn, but of course I expect nothing less."

"Oh, the water's divine!" She took her time, soaking her hair, swimming the pool from one side to the other, cooling her body, enjoying the fresh clarity the water brought.

When she finally came to rest at the edge where he waited he was holding a bottle of water and she took it gratefully.

"So, want to dive?"

"Mm, yes, though it's years since I have."

"We won't go far."

They explored the depths of the pool where strange fish hid behind rocks and plants grew that Kathryn had never seen before. She'd always loved the fact he was willing to indulge the scientist in her, and his interests in so many aspects of life married so perfectly with hers. They complemented each other; she'd thought it many times over the years.

The water cooled near the side of the rocky outcrop, shaded from the sunlight, and they stood in the shallows beneath the drizzle of fresh water easing down the mountainside and into the pool.

She watched as Chakotay drank it, how the sun caught the droplets of water easing down his bronzed body. She couldn't help the swell of pride in her belly at the thought that finally she could look without guilt, without the hundreds of conflicting emotions she'd tried so hard to suppress over the years.

"Kathryn," there was a teasing element to his voice as he said her name. "Look but don't touch."

She shook her head, "I'll remind you of that later." She glanced down to her feet slowly sinking into the soft earth, the mud squelching between her toes. She bent forward, covering her hand in it and then, before he could react, she slid her hand down his torso, laughing at his expression.

"I couldn't help myself."

"You wanna play dirty," he smiled, stepping towards her, bending down to fill his hand with the grey substance.

"No," she held her hands up, "Chakotay, no…" but the slap against her right shoulder told her he'd already thrown it.

Within minutes they were throwing back and forth like children. Splashing in the water, stirring up the earth beneath it. Their bodies sliding against the other. Their laughter filling the sun-drenched day.

"A mud fight, Kathryn really, and you a Vice Admiral." He chuckled as she floated back in the water, trying to rid her hair of the mud.

"I rather think, Captain Chakotay, that the fault is entirely yours."

"Oh…" he caught hold of her ankles, rubbing the soles of her feet and up to her calves to wipe the last remnants of the mud away as they moved along the water's edge back into the sunshine. "And how do you figure that?"

"Because, as you should know," she lifted her head up to look at him, "I'm always right."

His smile was dazzling. "Can't argue with that." He tugged on her legs, bringing her back to him.

She yelped at the sensation, "That's not fair, you're stronger."

"Only physically," his hands were on her back now beneath the water, supporting her as she floated. She seemed to him completely at ease. "Happy?" He asked gently as he watched her, eyes closed, face turned up to receive the warmth of the sun.

"Oh yes," she smiled, then opened her eyes to look at him, "very."

He leant forward, placing kisses along her stomach, up to her chest, his hands quickly removing the bra she wore and his mouth moving to her breasts.

"Outside," she panted, her weak attempts to rationalise this already failing against her body's strong desires. "Chakotay…"

"Yes, outside." He drew her body to his, lifting her up so she was facing him instead of lying in the water. "Here, I've wanted to bring you to this place for years. In my mind, you've already been here a hundred times."

She curled her hands around his shoulders, her body moving closer, her legs parting around him. "I do love you," she said gently.

"And you know I love you," he lifted her up until her legs wrapped tight around his waist, "…and adore you…"

She was giggling as he moved them around in the water; at that moment it was easy to forget she was Admiral Janeway, that she always did the sensible thing and had a reputation to uphold – it was easy just to be Kathryn, to be free and enjoy this moment with the man she loved.

"Talk to me," she whispered, her eyes closed, floating free in the silky caress of the water, his hands slowly working their way down to remove the remainder of her underwear.

"_Licence my roving hands, and let them go  
Before, behind, between, above, below."_

She smiled; he knew his poetry, more importantly he knew how to use it. "John Donne."

"_My mine of precious stones, my empery;  
How am I blest in thus discovering thee!"_

"Empery is an under-used word," she teased, her arms trailing behind her in the water, stretching her body lithe.

He threw her panties behind him onto the rocks, _"Full nakedness! All joys are due to thee."_

She was laughing when he finished, pulling her back up to face him, "I think," she said, her voice husky, "that you have brought the joy. Time and time again."

This time he laughed, "Praise indeed."

"Believe me; I've never been like this before."

"Like what?"

"In the middle of the day, in the wide open air."

"Sex?" He nuzzled her chin. "You can say the word."

"Making love."

"Even better." He kissed her forehead. "Some things don't change, Donne knew that."

"And some things do." She said lowly, cupping his face with her hands.

That voice. He knew it better than his own. He'd heard it in battle, in diplomacy, in anger, resentment, friendship; now love, passion, lust, need.

Her voice would be with him forever.

* * *

He watched as she bit into the ripe peach, the juice spilling down over her chin, her hand automatically coming up to wipe it.

"Take that grin off your face," she tugged on the blanket wrapped around her shoulders.

"Messy," he leant forward, wiping a spot of juice from her neck. "Coping without coffee?"

"You know what's odd," she chewed another bite of the peach. "I've hardly thought about it. Other things to occupy my mind."

He smirked, moving to sit beside her and pulling another blanket over their legs. From their base high up on the mountain they had a clear view down to the pool they'd swam in that afternoon, and then up across the land, the lush vegetation, the dry earth in the south.

"Sun set," she said finishing the peach, "it seems almost as if you planned it."

"Oh to have such power." He reached into one of the bags he'd lugged on the journey and took out a bottle of Champagne and two beakers.

She was thinking of power. And Q. And choices.

"Here, hold these." He followed her gaze out to the shadowy skyline, "Kathryn, are you alright?"

She turned her face to him, "Yes, sorry." She took the beakers.

"Kathryn."

"I was just thinking…"

He popped the cork on the champagne, "Don't over think. Not now."

She met his eyes, holding his warm, kind gaze, and thoughts of power and destinies disappeared. "I'm so incredibly thankful for you. You once told me I brought you peace, I don't think I fully understood the sentiment until now."

For a second they remained silent, then she hastily blinked away tears threatening to fall and jerked her chin towards the bottle. "So, are you going to pour?"

He did. "To what shall we toast?"

"Mmm, how about Trebus?" She tapped his cup with hers and they both took a sip.

"How about Kathryn Janeway?" He smiled, that wonderful, joyful smile.

"Well, in that respect, how about Captain Chakotay?"

"A fine toast." They took another drink.

She was grinning when he leant in to kiss her; her lips tasted of peach and champagne combined, sweet and sinful. "How about life." He said steadily, his breath on her face.

"And love."

She settled back against him, his chest the perfect warm pillow, their legs stretched out, sipping champagne as the sun cast long, transcendent shadows over the land.

"I should light a fire," Chakotay said some time later, Kathryn felt heavy against his chest and he knew she'd dozed off more than once and then woken again. He'd taken the cup from her hand a while ago.

"Mmm, don't move," she mumbled, twisting against him, seeking his warmth.

He kissed her bare shoulder, then the top of her head. "It's getting cold, very cold. We were lucky with the weather today."

"You organised it."

He eased her up to sit, leaning her back against the pile of pillows he'd previously leant on.

"You sure you can manage it _Commander_?" She quipped as she pulled a jumper from her bag.

"How very droll _Captain_. Though I've kinda missed hearing you say 'commander' in that wicked way you have." He teased in return, remembering their brief period abandoned on a planet by the Kazon where his fire making skills were something of a joke. "I put it down to being under pressure."

"Oh, I don't know, it seems to me you perform admirably under pressure. And what do you mean, 'wicked'?"

He waved a lighter at her, "You know very well what I mean," before easily lighting the small fire.

"See how technology helps."

"I never doubt it."

"Do you have any socks?"

"Socks?" He asked amused, standing to stretch in the cool air.

"Yes, my feet are cold, I forgot to pack some."

"Well, you did seem to find packing something of a challenge. Here," he handed her across a spare pair. "They may be slightly large."

"I'll cope."

"You should dry your hair by the fire too." He said as he pulled on a sweater over his shirt. "And I'll just sit here and watch."

"Is this another fantasy?" She remarked, pulling on a pair of sweat pants.

"I told you I have many."

She was shaking her head, positioning herself so her back was to the fire and she could face him. "I'm not sure you really did much work on that ship."

"I worked damned hard I'll have you know, I had to in order to keep up with you. It was my down time where I had chance to just…" He waved his hand in the air. "You know."

"Fantasise." She was still shaking her head but laughing at the same time. "Do we have anything else to eat?"

"Yes, my mother packed us a few things." He handed her across a container. "I've never seen you with such an appetite."

"I'm happy; _my_ mother says I always eat well when I'm happy. And this stuff is just delicious."

"I'm still holding out for Gretchen's caramel brownies."

"I'll be sure to ask her to make them ready for our visit. In fact as soon as we return to the shuttle and set off back I'll contact her about going over for a couple of days, if that's okay with you."

"I'd love it." He glanced around at the darkening night sky, "I should get the tent set up."

"I want to sleep out here, see the stars," she looked up, "wrapped together."

"We may freeze." He was stood now, looking down at her, so content by the fire, so very beautiful. "I'll make you a deal –,"

"Go on."

"I'll get the tent up, and we'll sleep out here unless it gets too cold, then we go in."

"Alright, seems fair. And I can enjoy one of my fantasies…"

"Oh?" He quirked an eyebrow at this, so far she'd hadn't even admitted to having any.

"Watching you complete manual labour whilst I sit here sipping champagne."

He shook his head, hauling the heavy Starfleet issue tent from its packaging, "Like Cleopatra."

* * *

She allowed him to brush her hair, it seemed such a small thing to her but it felt like she'd promised him the world when she said it.

"It's the intimacy," he explained as she sat in front of him, between his legs. "That's all."

"I understand."

"You want some more champagne, there's a little left?"

"No, in fact, I have something." She got up, moving to retrieve her bag from the tent. "In fact two things." This time she knelt in front of him, on top of the makeshift bed he'd put together. "First," she held up a container, "I actually brought hot chocolate."

"You brought hot chocolate?" He laughed taking it from her.

"Yes, I figured camping, hot chocolate, campfire, marshmallows – they all go together."

"They do. Perfect Kathryn." He sat forward twisting the lid on the container.

"No wait; I have something else for you."

"Hot chocolate and marshmallows aren't the two things?"

"They count as one. No, I have _this _for you." She hesitantly held out the small box towards him, balancing it on the palm of her hand, she may as well have presented him with an engagement ring. "I wanted to give it for its _true_ meaning now. That I bind myself to you, I promise myself, my life, will always be entwined with yours." She felt a blush colouring her cheeks as she said the words, she never did find sharing her affections easy yet somehow Chakotay made it so, and it was real, and honest.

"Kathryn," he swallowed, mindful of the lump in his throat, the quickening of his pulse, the unbidden tears. "Thank you. I don't know what…"

"I wasn't sure when to give it to you, I've had it a while now, I wanted it to be the right moment."

"Do you realise how happy you've made me?"

She moved into his embrace, holding him close, "And you make me happy. A thousand times over."

She kissed him, the taste of salty tears on his lips. "Let's toast our marshmallows."

"I always melt them," he smiled, still gripping the box.

"Then I'll show you how to time it perfectly."

He moved to sit beside her by the fire, watching as she toasted marshmallows, the firelight on her face. She looked tranquil, it had been so long since he'd seen the expression, perhaps he never had, he couldn't quite recall, something similar perhaps – on New Earth when she'd accepted their fate, on Proxima station where she'd dozed in his arms, on the bridge when Admiral Paris' face had filled the view screen and she'd turned to look at him to share her joy.

"Pour the hot chocolate, these are almost done."

He did as she asked.

"You're impressed I can cook at least something without the need for a replicator."

"I'm sorry," he said suddenly, his voice clouded with emotion. "For Seven."

She jerked to face him, surprised by the statement, by the sudden turn of conversation.

"It was a mistake. You already know that. I was foolish and I… I regret that I wasn't by your side when we returned home."

"Chakotay," she reached for his hand, "it doesn't matter now. None of it does."

"Maybe not, but I wanted to say it, I needed to."

She nodded, they hadn't really spoken of his brief dalliance with the ex-Borg, somehow Kathryn had never felt comfortable asking and he certainly hadn't been comfortable telling. A mistake on his part, to think their opposite outlooks on life could come together; his spirituality, her cold certainty. Besides he'd realised many years ago that any woman would only ever receive half his love, half his affection, there'd always be Kathryn, her face hovering around in his mind at any given time or place. She'd occupied the place in his heart for so long she was like some root he couldn't remove, the best he could do was push it to one side and allow a small space for someone else to inhabit. It didn't work.

"I had no right to be… to feel… _jealous_. I hate using the word." She passed him across a marshmallow and reached for her cup, taking a drink of the sweet liquid to dispel the sudden harsh reality of their conversation.

He swallowed, voice low, "I didn't mean to hurt you Kathryn."

She touched his face, "You never could. I never asked you to wait, I don't have that right, it was just…"

"…Seven, I know, she's like a daughter."

"Is she?!"

"To _you_, you know that, she looks to you like a mother."

"I'm not that old." She said, trying to relieve the tension.

"You know what I mean."

She nodded, "It hurt because I always thought… hoped somehow that we'd wait for each other, even though we'd never promised to. It was different with holoprograms or passing…" she bit her lip, "…acquaintances. But this seemed more real, more permanent, and after Admiral Janeway spoke of marriage – the thought of you being married to somebody else. As much as I'd be happy for you."

"I know. It was the same fear I felt when we returned home and you met with Mark. What if your feelings for him were still there, what if his were for you, married or not."

"He's not that kind of man."

"I know that now."

"Besides," she stretched her legs out in front of her, they were beginning to cramp up from being knelt in the same position for so long, "my feelings for him had changed a long time ago, I could go through a thousand 'ifs' and wonder what might have happened but if I'm going to be honest with you – and myself – I have to admit that my affections shifted many years ago."

He allowed himself a smile and began to relax, moving to sit closer by her, his arm brushing hers as he drank.

"It scares me Chakotay, still. I told you before, his love was safe, your love isn't. It scared me on New Earth, it scared me in the weeks and months following, it scared me when I saw you with another woman, just how much I –,"

"I know, it scares me too. I'd never felt anything like it, meeting you, falling in love with you, so quickly, so intensely, at times it felt like I was being continually pummelled in the ring."

She cringed at that. That she knew was her fault.

"Then _I'm_ sorry for all the times I pushed you away, made it difficult."

"No, you don't need to apologise for that now, none of it matters. We both made our choices, I told you on Proxima I tried many times over the years to change my feelings for you, and there may have been others, but it was always you, always, this deep, burning love under riding everything I did."

"I know I wouldn't have made it through in any kind of fit emotional state if it hadn't been for you, your friendship became the mainstay of my life, I clung onto it. Maybe that's why we work."

"Friends first."

"And I have the deepest respect for you Captain." She allowed herself a teasing smile.

He replied in kind, "And I you, Admiral."

She shivered and leant closer to him, "Time for bed I think," she whispered.

* * *

It was black around them now, apart from the orange glow of the fire, the scent of it filling the air around them.

Chakotay lay back on the make-shift bed, the heavy blankets covering him; Kathryn was still sat beside him squirming about beneath the sheets.

"What are you doing?"

"Removing my sweatpants," she said, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

"Why? It's cold."

"I know," she huffed before pulling the article of clothing out from beneath the sheets and throwing them over to the tent. "But they aren't very… helpful."

"Helpful?" He smiled. "In what regard?"

She turned over to face him, resting on her belly, "You _know_ what regard. And you ought to remove yours too."

"Oh?" He feigned innocence, "my legs will be cold."

She moved above him, kissing him deeply, "No they won't."

He felt her hand reach down to the drawstring on his pants. His arms were folded beneath his head and he closed his eyes enjoying the sensation of her cold hands skimming over his warm skin, how quickly and nimbly she removed the clothes. How her hands burrowed beneath the tops he wore, stroking his skin, shifting them aside so she could kiss his chest and belly, her hand all the time between his legs doing things he'd only dreamt of.

"Pinch me."

"Hmm…" she hummed against his skin.

"Kathryn Janeway's mouth is doing things to me, pinch me, check I'm awake."

She pinched his thigh.

"Ow! Kath –."

"You did say," she smirked, moving her face up to his. "I was just checking."

"Thanks." He rested his hands on her shoulders.

"Anytime."

She leant down touching her lips to his, gently at first, sweetly, until the familiar tightening in her stomach started to spread, and the divine tingling his touch brought swept across every inch of her skin.

His hands slid down her back, to her waist, her hips, and then he quickly lifted her body up and on top of his.

She laughed against his mouth, sometimes she forgot how strong he was, "Cheat," she whispered before resuming their kissing.

It wasn't long before he'd stripped her of her underwear again – she wondered why she'd bothered wearing it at all – and one hand was beneath her top and cupping her breast, his thumb stroking her nipple.

She was moaning into his mouth, nibbling on his lower lip, their lower bodies already moving together in that easy, natural rhythm they had.

"I love you," she mumbled between kisses, "so very, very much."

She moved slightly, the angle shifting so he could slide inside her, slowly, deliciously, and she delighted in the sound of her name coming from his lips as she moved above him, her hips eager to set the pace.

His hands were on her waist as she sat up, and when she tilted her head back she could see the stars, spread out in a beautiful blanket of darkness; guiding lights.

* * *

Snuggled together beneath the blankets, arms and legs tangled, mouths meeting in slow, reverent kisses, the hours passed by.

"I won't want to leave," she whispered by his mouth, despite there being no need to do so, who could hear them, "we've never been this completely alone."

"It's rather nice isn't it." He said in return, his tone matching hers. "Maybe we could just disappear, take to living in caves and relying on what food we can find."

"It's not going to work."

"I know, you'd miss coffee. I wonder what's at the top of your 'love' list – me or coffee."

"It's a tough call."

This time he pinched her.

"Hey, you did ask."

He was chuckling as he kissed her hair, bringing her head to rest on his chest.

"Warm enough?"

"Perfectly so."

"Fire's still going strong."

"In more ways than one. That's one of my fantasies done now, a real one."

"Oh?" suddenly his interest piqued.

"Making love to you beneath the stars."

"You thought about that before?" He asked gently, his hand stroking her back.

"Yes, once."

"Can I ask when?"

"A few years ago."

"That's all I'm getting?" He tilted his head forward to try and read her expression.

"That's all you're getting."

Content he let it drop and turned his attention up to the crystal clear night sky, his heart full, his head heavy.

"I'm glad the rain held off tonight," she said, "I wouldn't want to miss this. Chakotay…"

She drew back a little from his embrace to watch his face as he slept, "Goodnight," she whispered before lying down again, curled against his body. It wasn't long before she slept also.

* * *

_**Please leave me a little review - I really enjoy reading what you thought. x R**_


	3. Chapter 3

_Sorry for the delay in posting - I've been on holiday. A lot of water in this one - don't know why!_

* * *

**The Land I'm From - chapter 3**

Kathryn hadn't slept easily in many weeks. Yet during the past few nights on Trebus sleep had been welcomed and uninterrupted. She woke naturally, refreshed and calm. Usually she woke to find Chakotay meditating, as he seemed to do every morning, and it was reassuring to have him there, as steady and strong as the ocean, just as it had been when she'd woke in the night on Voyager – strange, sharp dreams rousing her before she was ready – he'd been there; comforting reassuring. Unfortunately it was a rather more basic need that woke her that morning – her bladder.

After gently rolling out from Chakotay's arms she tiptoed over the sharp grains of sand and pebbles to a secluded spot; returning a few moments later she poured herself a cup of coffee from the flask and stood overlooking the land. The early morning mists rising from the jungle below, the sounds filling the air – the buzzing of insects, chirping birds, primates, running water, the breeze, the leaves, the trees breathing – if she closed her eyes she could isolate each one. The smell. Fresh and cleansing.

The air was still damp. Her skin felt clammy from sleeping outdoors on a cool night pressed up against Chakotay's warm body. Shivering she turned back to their bed, slipping her legs beneath the blankets and sitting to drink her coffee; she watched him sleep. His hair was greying and he'd let it grow slightly longer than it was during their years as Captain and First Officer. She toyed with the front of it with her fingertips before sliding her index finger down his crooked nose. Those perfectly sculpted lips, she'd stared at them for a moment too long on more than one occasion. The chiselled lines of features she knew so well.

"Hey," he mumbled, voice thick.

"What?" She said gently.

"Stop staring."

She smiled, returning both hands to grip her coffee cup as she took a sip, "I wasn't. I was admiring."

"Oh." He said solemnly. "Well, feel free to do that."

She enjoyed his smile as he flopped onto his back, arms folded beneath his head. "This is a turnaround, me waking first." She said, "I was just going to get a book."

"Not feeling entertained," he slowly opened his eyes, blinking at the sun. "What can I say, someone's worn me out."

"Who could that be?"

"I don't know her, that's for sure. She's insatiable. But then you always were demanding."

"Hey!" She tapped his chest. "I'm just making up for lost time. And making up for the fact you'll be out there again soon and I'll be going back to sleeping alone."

"Hmm…" he moved again, this time rolling to rest his head on her lap.

"What are we going to do about that?" She finally asked, tracing her fingertips over his bare shoulders and then down his arms.

"About what?"

"You'll be back aboard Voyager, back to the Delta quadrant; I'm more-than-likely going to be at headquarters. Chained to a desk."

"Do you not want me to go?"

"I'd never dream of asking you to stay. There's no one better suited to the mission."

"But…" he rolled onto his back, looking up at her, flashing her his warm smile, "you _can_ admit you'll miss me Kathryn."

"I know." She said with equal sarcasm, "And I will. Every day. But I wouldn't deny you… I'm not trying to make decisions for you, not anymore."

"We'll be fine, you know that don't you."

Did she? Perhaps 90% of her did. Doubt remained. Some niggling weakness in the back of her mind, like a splinter, was she really capable of making this work?

"Kathryn," he prompted, his voice taking on a different tone. She responded quickly, eager to ease his concerns.

"Yes. I know we'll be alright. Once I'd made the decision I knew it would be 'forever'."

"That fills me with joy."

She laughed, "Good, because I've never been so happy." She kissed his smile, then his chin, face, neck, her hand roaming over his chest and belly.

"There was river yesterday," she suddenly said.

"Oh…" he was momentarily dazed by her change in direction – he'd often wondered if he'd ever fully understand how her mind worked.

"On the way up here, it was in the shadows, in the trees."

"I know it."

"Let's pack up and go there, I want to bathe in it."

* * *

She watched as Chakotay drew patterns in the sand, placing smooth pebbles around the area they'd camped in, blessing the land, thanking it.

As she watched the mists lift and give rise to a beautiful new morning she understood a little more why it was one tradition of his people he chose to honour.

"Ready?" She asked as he sat back on his heels.

"Yes." She held out her hand to help him up, smiling as he grimaced. "Hard floor does not equal a healthy back." Still, he shrugged the remaining packs onto his shoulders and they headed back down the mountain side.

"I'm hungry," Kathryn said, leading the way.

"Surprise me."

"I'm thinking pancakes, blueberry ones, a pot of coffee – real coffee, freshly squeezed orange juice, maybe some eggs, mushrooms, syrup."

"We have three ration bars left."

"That's hardly what I asked for."

"But it sounded good; maybe we can close our eyes and pretend. And you know when we get back to San Francisco I'm rather expecting to find you preparing that breakfast."

She glared back over her shoulder at him, "Hello, have you met me before, I'm Kathryn Janeway."

"I remember she claims not to know how to cook, but really she just doesn't like to, she doesn't get on with her replicator – again I feel she simply harbours desires to take it apart every now and then just for the fun."

"Because I had little else to do with my time."

"Oh I don't know, we had the odd day sat around on the Bridge."

"Arguing over who won which fight."

"The Captain never backing down."

"We've had this discussion – I find things work better if people just accept I'm always right."

"Sure, well, I don't want to challenge that theory but if you want the river it's left not right."

She stopped at the end of the path, staring down each way before she finally acquiesced and followed his direction. The sounds above her were a delight; she glanced up watching as birds flitted from one tree top to another. On more than one occasion Chakotay had to grab her arm to prevent her from tripping over the hazards of the jungle floor.

"It's so wonderful here."

"I've missed the light," he admitted looking up. "How it changes during the day. I've missed the open air, the space, and the weather. Remember on Voyager I kept having the same dream for months?"

She thought on it for a second then looked back at him, "Yes I remember. You kept dreaming of rain."

"Oceans of it. Every possible scenario. Standing in it. Sleeping in it. Running in it; one night I remember waking and actually feeling the back of my legs to check, it was so vivid, feeling it splashing my skin as I ran."

"Did I ever feature in the rain dreams?"

"Sometimes. Sometimes you were standing with me in it, your hair was still long, despite us being almost six years into our journey when they started, and it was plastered down your back."

"I'm fearing you have a fetish for my hair."

"You may very well be right. I won't tell if you don't."

She giggled, "Deal." Then stopped, looking up again, "What time do you think it is?"

He stopped behind her, his chest touching her back. "Still early, just after seven maybe, perhaps a little later."

"Let's make this the first of many visits to Trebus."

He felt proud. He couldn't explain it any other way. "Yes."

She set off again, upping the pace, eager to reach the river.

He stared at her back for a moment before following.

* * *

He was content to watch as she peeled off the clothes she'd slept in and laid them on the ground in a neat pile. It surprised him when she reached for the clasp on her bra and took that off too; how quickly she adapted to her surroundings, it was a joy to watch.

She hesitantly stepped into the river, yelping when it reached her thighs and swinging round to face him, "It's so cold!"

"I did warn you." He stood up, taking her clothes and folding them into one of the packs.

"Don't back out, get undressed and come join me."

"This was your little thing not mine…"

"Chakotay," she implored and he chuckled as he moved towards her.

"So like a child wanting her own way."

"Well, come and give it to me then."

They both laughed at the innuendo.

"I didn't mean _that_."

"I know." He started to undress. "Besides, I'm still recovering; I'm not used to such 'activity.'"

"Oh and I am?" She splashed water into his face as she moved to the edge.

He was soon naked and they moved into the middle of the river, letting the current wash them clean, their hands doing the rest; she'd piled her hair up high on her head and it reminded him of how she looked all those years ago on New Earth – the soft tendrils falling loose and framing her face. A few more lines. Perhaps more definition to her features than back then, she was softer then. But recently glimpses of her returned.

"Clean enough?" He said, "My teeth are starting to chatter."

"Oh alright then, clean enough. Not much of a jungle guide though."

"I'll be the first to admit to that, my father despaired of me, as you know."

"I'm sure he was proud of you," she stepped into a waiting towel he was holding up. "In fact I'm sure he couldn't help but be. I am."

"Thank you.

"You're welcome."

Wrapped in towels they sat in the lower branches of a tree finishing off the last of the coffee and munching their ration bars.

"Not quite blueberry pancakes," Chakotay said stuffing the wrappers into his pack.

"If you swallow it with coffee it doesn't taste half bad."

He chuckled as he watched her finish hers off, "Well, shall we get dressed, head back to camp?"

"In a moment or two," she reached for his hand, "Let's just enjoy it here."

"Alright. Not a bad back-packing trip, despite the lack of a bath."

She laughed, "You mean you couldn't haul one on your back." She leaned into him, her head on his shoulder. "I'm not sure I ever thanked you enough for that bath, it was one of the kindest things anyone has ever done for me."

He let the comment rest, closing his eyes as they sat there, soaking up the atmosphere. There were too many things left unsaid over the years, too many opportunities when they'd both failed to cross the line or push it a bit further – content with an arm hooked through his at a party, or standing a little closer than was necessary at a briefing – times he should have done more, said more, and didn't. He'd realised now, after losing her and then being reunited, that none of it really mattered. It only mattered what they did with their time now.

Finally, he held out his hand to help her up.

"Yes, let's go."

* * *

The village was quiet when they returned mid-morning, they found Chakotay's mother in her hut.

She rose and took Kathryn's hand quickly when they entered; it was unnerving how the woman's eyes seemed to look straight through her – past the name and rank, the long list of accomplishments, even past her relationship with her son, into the very essence of her.

"You look much rested, the land has healed you."

"You must come and stay in San Francisco with us, perhaps at Christmas," Kathryn blurted out, her hand still tightly encased in Chakotay's mother's. She found herself suddenly quiet, no movement from the woman facing her, no reaction.

Then Sekaya was there, her hand on Kathryn's elbow, her joyful excited voice filling the awkwardness. "That would be great; I'd love an open invitation to stay in the city."

"Feel free, it would be lovely to spend time with you," she said forcing herself to relax as she turned and hugged her goodbye.

She waited with her at the edge of the path as Chakotay bid his mother farewell.

"He's really happy Kathryn," Sekaya said, in that brave no-nonsense voice she had. "I haven't seen it before; he wasn't even happy like that when we were kids. Always something missing with him, always something... something more he wanted, needed." She kicked at the earth before looking up at her again. "Not now."

"I'm glad. This place has revitalised me too, I feel so much more at ease than when I got here."

Sekaya smiled knowingly, "It has nothing to do with this place. He could live here, bathe in the sun and the rivers every day for a hundred years and he wouldn't be as fulfilled as he is after one day in your company."

A small smile slowly flickered across Kathryn's face, "And I'm glad for that too. "

She wasn't one to openly share her feelings and she wasn't quite at the point to allow Sekaya any more insight into her heart than that. But she squeezed her upper arm. It was as much as she could say without actually saying it.

* * *

"I feel I've done something wrong," she said as they settled into their journey. "Said something wrong and upset your mother."

"It's fine, you didn't. She just," he eased back in his chair, "they all just… that's their home, they accept that's their role in life, for all their spiritual beliefs and wonder about the land they have no further interest in what else is out there. You were just being polite. She recognised that."

She turned in her chair towards him, "I would really like for her to visit Earth, to feel part of our lives, you know Sekaya is welcome any time."

"Welcome where… exactly?"

"Wherever we're living," she said waving her arm in the air, oblivious to the fact they hadn't even discussed their living arrangements.

He was smiling, about to pick her up on the point when the commsystem interrupted.

"Mother," Kathryn smiled as Gretchen's face field the screen.

"Hello sweetheart. You're looking better than when I last saw you."

"I'll take that as a compliment, I just wanted to check we're still okay to visit, we can be there tonight if that fits in with you."

"Of course, I'll cook, I'm looking forward to seeing the two of you again." She emphasised, glancing over Kathryn's shoulder to where Chakotay stood.

Kathryn rolled her eyes, "We can eat out, I don't want to cause you work."

"You know I prefer to cook for you, both of you. About 8:00?"

"That should be fine," she smiled, "thank you. See you soon." She ended the communication and Chakotay retook his seat beside her, "A home cooked meal."

"And wine. And a proper bed." She reached over and touched his hand as it danced over the controls, "That's not to say the floor wasn't without benefits."

* * *

They went back to her sterile, Starfleet issued apartment. Her things, what was left of them, were still in storage at her mother's house. There were clothes in the wardrobe, her shampoo in the bathroom, and an overwhelming aroma of coffee in the kitchen but besides that it was a plain white box. Not a home.

"I might go back to my place," he called to her as she prepared a pot of coffee in the kitchen. He stood hands in pocket, overlooking the stunning view from her lounge windows.

"Oh, what for?"

"Have a shower, change, get clean clothes for Indiana."

She came up behind him, handing him a cup.

"This smells good."

"The real stuff." She took a sip. "Don't go, stay here, have a light lunch. We can call by your place when we leave, collect your things on our way. There's a shower here." She nudged his arm with hers, stood side by side by the window, "And besides, I thought I might have a bath later."

"Need someone to wash your back do you?"

"I might. Got anyone in mind?"

"I hear the Doctor has really brushed up on his massage techniques."

"Very funny," she rolled her shoulders, "just the thought of it makes me ache."

"Kathryn, all those years, you only needed to say and I would have obliged."

"Far too tempting." She finished her coffee. "Another?"

"You know I'm not even half way through this one."

She was laughing as she re-filled her cup, "So…"

"So?" He glanced over to her, stood at the foot of the stairs, peering over her cup at him.

"Stay. Bath."

He shook his head at her, "Bathing twice in one day with Kathryn Janeway. Absolutely."

* * *

"Fantasy number 1 ticked off," he whispered, settled back in the tub, surrounded by warm-fragrant air, and Kathryn's soft body lying against him. He could feel her hair rubbing his chest, tickling beneath his chin, her back pressed against his belly.

"A different bath perhaps," she said equally as huskily.

"Mmm, in a different setting. But the result is similar."

He heard her smile, "Close enough." She shifted slightly, her bottom coming into contact with his groin and he groaned lowly.

"Now, now," she chastised.

He opened his eyes, watching languidly as she lifted her foot out of the water and rested her heel on the edge of the tub, wiggling her toes about to knock the bubbles off. It was oddly sweet, over the years he'd forgotten how feminine and gentle she could be. He was glad to say it was all coming back to him.

"No primates hanging around watching," she said twisting her head to rest back on his shoulder.

He chuckled, "Little pervert."

"Just being friendly."

"So you believe," he smiled, remembering, kissed the top of her head. "Kathryn, I don't want to feel like we're rushing to fit everything in."

She mulled on his point for a moment, feeling his hands on her, his fingers on her skin. "Perhaps I'm making up for lost time."

"You don't have to, we don't have to."

"After everything… I don't want to miss a moment, have regrets."

"No life is without regrets Kathryn, it isn't possible. And I understand where you're coming from, if anything losing you – the depths I went to at that time – it taught me to make the most of each and every moment."

"You've always been that way," she interrupted, shifting her head, "always able to live in the moment, not for a past that's gone or a future that may never be."

"Well, now I believe that more than ever." He squeezed her waist, "And it goes to prove you're not the only one who's always right."

She laughed, "Alright, I'll let you have that one. I'm sorry if you feel I'm_ rushing _things –,"

"Rushing! Spirits Kathryn, this has got to be one of the longest courtships in history. Any longer and there'd be no hope of consummating the whole thing, my hips wouldn't take it."

She was laughing uncontrollably now, it was joyful to hear.

"I'm glad you're relaxed."

"Well," she twisted over to face him, her body pressed against his, "it seems a few nights sleeping in a jungle with you does that to me."

"How flattered I am." He folded his arms around her back, her skin like silk beneath his fingertips. "Especially considering how nervous you were when we set off."

She shook her head slightly, "Just because you obviously have no fear about spending time with my family."

"Mothers always like me."

"I can't possibly think why."

He smiled.

"Ah there we are, that's the reason why, that winning smile." She leant forward and kissed him, "So difficult to resist." Before settling her head back down on his chest.

"Do you think I'll finally get to sample caramel brownies as they're intended to be?"

"I suppose mother might make them," her head jolted up again, "what do you mean 'as intended'; we had them for dessert on Voyager."

"My point exactly."

He was met with a face full of bubbles.

* * *

_Feel free to leave me a little review - we'll be off to Indiana next time. x R_


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